oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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