He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
