The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
