therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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