Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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