Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
