Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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