I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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