see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
