even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
