her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
