Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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