I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
