i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
