The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
