Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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