omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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