You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
