I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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