do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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