I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my sisters under your porch take her home
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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