As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize