I'm really into asian looking animals
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
