I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i out mim tonsoeep
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
