I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
