I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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