the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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