Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
