Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
