I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
