then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
