I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
