forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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