My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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