the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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