Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
