I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
