You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
