I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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