Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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