Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
