dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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