That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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