Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
