btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
