If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
two words: eviction party
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
