and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
