i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They took my balls.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize