According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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