If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize