Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
