If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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