Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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