What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
