he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
