I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
