you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
