i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
