You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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