I wish I could punch you in the face.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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