I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
