you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
