Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
