the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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