I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
