he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
