I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
