I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
