It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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