i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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