If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
