Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize