sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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